Query Letters I Love 2

In Honor Of Black History Month.

2007-02-05T11:25:00.000-08:00

Sorry if I have posted in awhile. Here is something to make up for it.

Thomas and Cassie, two runaway slaves, are lost and alone. Their mother has disappeared and so have their hopes of finding freedom in Canada. A series of adventures and disasters await the two children as they struggle to find the Underground Railroad and their missing mother.

I Know I Want To See Some Hot Anthropoid On Anthropoid Action

2007-01-15T07:30:00.000-08:00

My thanks to Matt for this....

"A man of our era will travel in time and will be found in the future where men and women live in separate societies"

Genre: Sci- Fiction

Nicolas Sniper, a pilot of flights in space, after suffering a great disappointment in love, will agree to lead a very dangerous experimental flight. Following problems on his spacecraft, he will uncontrollably speed up and will be lost in space.Our hero is found somewhere in Mars in the year 2142 due to the theory of relativity. There, he meets the male residents of the Federation of Mars living a very exciting life with female love partners who are anthropoids.

Soon, he sees into the fragile foundations of the happy -in appearance only- society and he will be forced to return back to earth where only females reside.In earth, he pretends to be a male anthropoid in order to find the truth and the reasons of the separation of two sexes. In spite that he is responsible for this separation between men and women without his knowing about it, he tries -in a desperate effort- to bring men and women back together.

I would like to submit this screenplay for your consideration and thank you in advance for your time.

Remind Me Not To Invite Her To Any Parties

2007-01-09T07:16:00.000-08:00

I’d like to profess that stealing a box of Golden Life Henna in the 7th grade was the end of my illustrious shoplifting career, but if we’re getting down to the short hairs here, I also stole a tube of organic toothpaste from Whole Foods less than a year ago.

$12.95! For toothpaste! I mean, c’mon. Gift with purchase, I like to say.

Actually, I wouldn’t mine stealing something right now.

Christ, it’d be easier than writing this letter. Three years of work down to a page, page and a half. The pressure to be charming here is enormous, you must know.

Maybe this afternoon. When I finish the letter. [O]ur heroine is not that different from me. Or possibly a more fabulous me. The Carrie Bradshaw I am in my imagination.

Upper East Side Jewish American Princess kleptomaniac living the seemingly quintessential Manhattan life, loses job, loses boyfriend, loses housekeeper and winds up (long story short) joining a Peruvian Shoplifting Ring.

It is here our klepto learns what’s truly important in her life. Ahf tsores aside, it’s a happy ending kind of story.

For our 29-year old heroine, shoplifting* is better than orgasms:“… Her breath pounds out in heaves. Her teeth chatter, droplets of sweat trickle down her side sending out a rank perfume, her nipples harden. She swallows a mouthful of saliva, the gulp of it echoing in her head. A quick slide off with a nimble hand and poof…it is gone.”

Please send the enclosed postcard if you’d like to see a sample of The Booster.

This Must Be How Maddox Feels About Brangelina

2007-01-02T08:38:00.000-08:00

Anhati is a 14 year-old girl who has grown up in a prison. She is considered to be the reincarnation of the Incarnate Anhati, the oldest daughter of the prophet of the country of Grandar. Grandar is ruled by a theocracy, the reincarnations of the prophet’s twelve children. In her last life, Anhati had put down a small rebellion in the satellite state of Parsa in an unnecessarily cruel fashion that involved burning a large city. Her government was forced to give her to a Parsan prison for five lifetimes. Now that Anhati is growing up, she wonders if she is the saint in the folklore, the monster who committed the atrocities she is blamed for, or a decoy sent to the prison while the real Incarnate was kept safe elsewhere. These questions don’t get any easier when Anhati is pardoned and sent back to a country and family that she has never seen before.

Happy Holidays!

2006-12-26T11:24:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and happy whatever it is you have up there in Canada (boxing day?).

No new posts this week as I am freezing my ass off at my parents house in upstate NY. Rest assured the hilarity will start up again next week.

BC

Something Tells Me Gude Ain't Making It

2006-12-20T08:47:00.000-08:00

It’s 1487 and women like Güde are in trouble. The Cardinal has come to her small German town on a mission to eradicate witchcraft. Güde’s best friend, the town midwife and healer, has already been burned at the stake—and now Güde is on trial. Making matters worse is the fact that her accuser is her own daughter-in-law, and Güde begins to suspect she did it simply to have one less mouth to feed in these starving times. Güde is a Christian, but like the others of her village, her centuries-old pagan traditions are just under the surface. Through her trial Güde is forced to examine her beliefs. And in the end, the people of Tierkinddorf must choose between the old ways and the ways of the Church—between life and death for Güde.

My Big, Fat, Afro American Wears Prada

2006-12-12T08:05:00.000-08:00

Dear Sir or Ma’am,

I have a wonderful, exciting new script that my partner xxxx and I recently completed. This script offers an exciting new flavor to the world of frame, fashion and the entertainment industry. Indulge yourself for a moment and enjoy reading this comedic script that revolves around two indomitable Afro American women who struggle to survive in the vicious worlds of entertainment and fashion.

The overweight, but beautiful Jazzy is a struggling, very talented, fashion designer working for a successful fashion house. She is unappreciated and taken advantage of by the very company she works for. Her dream is to have her name on her own line of clothing some day. Grace, also overweight and best friend to Jazzy, is a hairdresser by day and struggling comedian by night. She experience problems in her marriage while traveling the road to success. Grace has dreams of becoming a successful comedian and making it to Hollywood and star in an up-coming comedy.

In their struggles to make things happen, they face stereotypes, deception, ridicule, lie and deceit. All the while, they encourage and support one another to make their dreams happen. Life sends these ladies through some interesting twist and turns. They begin to overcome their obstacles one by one and defeat adversity. The possibilities of finding fame and fortune and even love become visible.

Watch Out For The Big Girls is hilarious and heartwarming at the same time and we would love to submit to you a copy of our script. We are currently seeking agent representation to help market our material. The script is copyrighted by the library of congress and registered with WGAE. We hope to hear from you soon.

Judge Wapner Meets Nightmare On Elm Street

2006-12-05T08:39:00.000-08:00

I have just completed a screenplay for your review titled “Dead Dreams”, a tightly wound action/fantasy horror-thriller.

A teenager scarred by nightmares uses an ancient dream catcher and accidentally opens a doorway to the dream world, releasing a murderous entity into the waking world. The teenager learns lucid dreaming, overcomes his nightmares and now he has to confront the entity and his minions in the waking world.

The story combines elements of The Matrix, Silence of the Lambs and The Mothman Prophecies and is reminiscent of family dysfunctional love as in Rain Man.

If this sounds like something you're looking for, I'd love to send you a copy. I look forward to hearing from you. Or you may mail the enclosed SASE and reply sheet.

87 Posts And Still Going

2006-12-01T10:34:00.000-08:00

First off, thanks to everyone coming over from Pajiba to review Dustin's masterpiece and its good to see the regulars commenting even though I haven't posted in almost a month.

The long and short of it is that I will still be posting about 1 query a week on here for awhile longer. I can't believe it has lasted this long and that people from the original QLIL still continue to come here and comment on redonkulous ideas.

Next post on Tuesday, have a great weekend and keep those comments coming!

BC

Pajiba Me Softly

2006-11-30T07:55:00.000-08:00

Well here is a treat for all of you QLIL2 readers. Dustin on the great Pajiba.com website heard about this new movie Bonzai Shadowhands with Rainn Wilson and directed by Jason Reitman and started pontificating about how the the movie SHOULD actually go. I have edited his post and will let you guys have at it!

"Obviously, I have no idea what direction he and Reitman intend to take, but it occurred to me that the concept would work brilliantly if, and only if, Rainn Wilson’s ninja fighter were a modern-day version of Don Quixote, living in Des Moines. After years of social isolation and hundreds of hours of watching Satsuo Yamamoto films, a delusional Wilson would conclude that he, himself, was a once great martial arts warrior. He would procure his Sancho Panza (a video store clerk, played by Paul Giamatti) and seek out his Dulcinea (Zooey Deschanel), who would be an attendant at a local suburban arcade. Wilson, of course, would defeat other ninja warriors, who are actually holograms in a 3-D video game (the Windmills!)."

Oh man … if Reitman doesn’t do this, somebody give me a call — there really aren’t enough modern-day Quixotes in today’s multiplexes. Where are the Query Letters I Love Folks to proffer analysis? — Dustin Rowles

The Strip Club Owner Has Broken DaVinci's Code!

2006-11-07T09:20:00.000-08:00

When top London barrister Henry Kendall finds himself in rural Texas defending a nun accused of murder, he needs all the help he can get. Unfortunately, his client refuses to talk to him and his only assistant is a smart-talking, ex-reporter from Manhattan, a young woman who has no idea how to make a decent cup of tea and delights in pricking Henry’s old-fashioned sensibilities. But with just two weeks until their client goes on trial for her life, Henry and Natalie must overcome their mutual mistrust and work together to solve the mystery of St. Mary’s Convent. Detectives in this strange land, the barrister and his protégée soon find themselves in a closeted world that is suspicious of outsiders, and where nothing is quite what it seems. The convent gardener, the chimney sweep, and the manager of a local strip club all come under the microscope as the convent’s many secrets are revealed. But the most shocking secret of all has quite literally lain buried within the convent’s walls for a hundred years, and its revelation leads Henry to a courtroom confrontation with the real killer.

Funny I Thought Diggers Usually Outrun Nobbins

2006-11-01T12:39:00.000-08:00

The last thing college junior Amy Haskel expects is to be tapped into Rose & Grave, her Ivy League school’s most prestigious secret society. As far as she can tell, she’s lacking a potential initiate’s two basic requirements: 1) a Y chromosome and 2) the ambition to become the leaderof the free world. Sure, the sassy, independent Amy is an honor student and the editor of the literary magazine, but everyone knows that“Diggers” (as society members are called) only want future industrial kingpins or shadowy government types of the male variety. Not women –not even smart ones.

Amy soon learns that much of Rose & Grave’s rep is a combo of Hollywood hocus-pocus and carefully cultivated rumors. After an initiation ceremony that is one part Harry Potter and two parts amusement park thrill-ride, Amy begins to bond with her new brethren, who come from all walks of life, and discovers that the society’s imposing tomb is no more intimidating than your standard frat house. The Diggers are elite, sure, but not in the blue-blood way she always thought.

But she also learns that some of the more nefarious rumors about Rose & Grave are true. The alumni members exert an enormous influence, and they aren’t afraid to wield it. The society’s prominent “patriarchs” are none too happy that this year’s seniors have gone behind their backs to tap women for the very first time. They threaten to close the tomb and sabotage the future of both the graduates and the “illegal taps.” When Amy’s confirmed summer internship evaporates after speaking out against the patriarchs’ sexism, she begins to fear that they have the power to do just that. Enraged, the new female taps organize against the patriarchs to prove that women, especially Digger women, are a force to be reckoned with. It’s a move that may save their society, but also earns them some very powerful enemies.

Amy has other worries as well. Her best friend (who has been vying for a society tap since the day she first stepped on campus) refuses to share even one detail about her own secret society experiences, though the outlandish hints she drops make the elaborate Rose & Grave rituals look about as hard as a Rocks for Jocks exam. The editor of the campus newspaper seems to have an ax to grind against both Amy and her society “big brother,” and is willing to blackmail them to get an expose on Rose & Grave (Amy knew she shouldn’t have spent the night at his place!). Of course, it doesn’t help that Amy’s “barbarian” (non-society) friend-with-benefits won’t let the Boyfriend Issue go. And then there’s the little matter of final exams.

Ari's Moral Dilemma: Aquaman 2 or Medellin?

2006-10-25T09:49:00.000-07:00

When an eleven-year-old prince sets out on a journey to find the assassin who murdered his father five years ago, does he have only revenge in his heart, or does he seek understanding, which may lead to sympathy, forgiveness, and even love? The answer lies in...The Orphan Prince.

Prince Ari has vowed revenge after his father King Idan was killed by the legendary swordsman from an enemy empire named Black Wolf. But then, on the night of his eleventh birthday, Black Wolf, dark, handsome and self-assured, brazenly walks into the castle that bears King Idan’s name and delivers two birthday gifts to Ari—his father’s sword, and a gold medal that Black Wolf won in his youth for sword dueling. Confused by conflicting emotions and divided loyalties in his heart, Ari embarks on a journey into the empire of Narsus to find Black Wolf, only to encounter dangers that threaten to within inches of his life. Fortunately, his former sworn enemy rescues him in the nick of time.

It is then that Ari finally hears the complete story of his past, of King Idan and Black Wolf, of lust for conquest and heroism against conscience, only it is a story within a far bigger story, told by a mysterious boy who is not what he appears to be. The world once possessed advanced technology beyond imagination, but humanity’s penchant for violence, aggression and war brought itself to the brink of extinction. And now, even though no vestige of that ancient technology remains, the darkness in the human heart persists. It was against this darkness that Black Wolf raised his sword and committed murder. As fate would have it, after Ari returns to the Idan Castle, he is confronted by the same moral dilemma that Black Wolf faced years ago, and the decision he makes will profoundly affect the lives of countless humans.

The Secret Ingredient In Chowdah Is People!

2006-10-16T09:53:00.000-07:00

When a wave of terrorist attacks devastates the country, fourteen-year-old Matthew Trask and his younger brother, Craig, find themselves all alone in a small southern Maine town.

With their parent’s dead or missing and their food supply almost gone, the boys must make a difficult decision. Before starving looters and murderers break into their home in search of food, they join some neighborhood friends and plan an escape to a secluded hunting camp deep in the Maine woods. But the hundred-mile journey is fraught with danger and as the teens struggle to survive against both man and nature, a hidden secret may cause one of them to pay the ultimate price for the group’s survival.

Happy C Day

2006-10-09T07:10:00.000-07:00

Happy Columbus Day- for all of you working today (including me) here is a query- enjoy!

This story is set in contemporary Scotland, around Deeside, in an isolated landscape where events can unfold in a vacuum, without ever being seen.

A middle-aged man loses nearly everything when his business collapses. The bank is threatening to re-possess his home and throw his family out onto the streets. Under extreme duress from his creditors he hatches a plan to kidnap a wealthy female entrepreneur who owns a country estate near to where he lives. With the proceeds of the ransom he intends to save his wife and son from penury and the resulting humiliation. The plan goes wrong and a companion of the lady is killed, perhaps murdered. The lady is kidnapped and imprisoned in a remote, ruined cottage. In a moment of madness she is subjected to an horrific assault by the man, an act which traumatises both of them. A short time later the man is offered a way out of his predicament.

The man abandons his hostage to her fate and goes on to establish a new and successful career working for a quasi-government business development agency. He suffers no retribution for his crimes, nor is he repentant. He believes, or at least hopes, that perhaps the circumstances justified his actions.

Pretty Crappy Journal

2006-10-02T07:11:00.000-07:00

"The nights are endless in this constant war…"

Thus begins the first entry in a journal from a war that never happened, from a time of which it is Scarlet Order heresy even to speak. For Kavin and Niffin, a young scullion and an apprentice scribe, orphans in the Jade Palace of the Empire of the Blood, the journal opens a door into times long forgotten, times when creatures of myth and powerful beings now but tale and rumor walked the lands undisguised. Lucin Skyr, son of a peasant from the east, arrives in the Imperial capital of New Dawn for the brutal Bloodguard training, hoping to be the First, Oathbound to protect those that rule.

This Query Was Terrible Until The Monkey Showed Up

2006-09-26T07:24:00.000-07:00

Chasm is a story about friendship and love. It's about growing up and learning to live with those closest to you, as you learn to live with yourself. It's about the flaws in human nature that sometimes rise above the noise of everyday living, and tear apart those in its path. In practical terms, it's a story about a couple of guys from small town Michigan who make a silent movie starring their pet monkey and wind up rich and famous. But, it's also the story of the eccentric, yet endearing characters they meet along the way. And of the women that come into their lives.

Does The Cat Know HTML?

2006-09-19T07:30:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone- its been awhile and my apologies. If anyone is still checking this site- enjoy.

It's about the adventures of a twelve-year-old girl who enrolls in a space academy housed on a traveling spaceship, smuggling her cat aboard as she does so. She and the cat must aid the academy's headmaster in his struggle against the embittered captain of the spaceship, who is poisoning the students' minds with a piece of rogue software.

Update

2006-09-07T09:30:00.000-07:00

Ok- well first off Happy Labor Day to everyone. Sorry there hasn't been a post this week but I have been working hard in order to go to the Toronto Film Fest next week, as I have several films up there. So the bad news- no new posts for 2 weeks. However, to tide you over I am republishing perhaps my fav post (after the Sharkies) in QLIL's history. Enjoy!

"I propose you a film about the greatest possible position: the President of the World (who is expected to come).

Free Masons and Jews want to unify the whole planet in a single State, a Planetary Republic which will be leaded by a King/President. An Arabian terrorist group threatens Jerusalem with a nuclear bomb because Jews want to make Jerusalem the Capital of a world ruled by Jews, the place where they will set the throne of a Jewish King/President of the Planet.

The Governor of Idaho comes with alternatives to both these sides: he offers a civilized alternative at the Arabian terrorism and a democratic alternative at the Jewish-Masonic plan. He proposes another Capital of the World instead of Jerusalem and himself as the President of the Planet instead of a Jew. He is not Mason but he still wants to be the President of the Planetary Republic. He wants to create a system which will make competition to the Masonic one for the unification of the planet. With his candidateship he wants to open this subject of Planetary Republic, to make it public, to take it out from the secret "conspiracies" and to rush the process of globalization. In the end the planet is not ready yet to be unified but Bruce's contribution is recognized and he is named the President of United Nations Organization.

Ideal would be that Masons and Jews to accept this challenge and to participate at creating a competition-cooperation between Masonic and non-Masonic elites. If they accept to participate we can make a series like "The West Wing". If they don't want to participate we can make a feature film."

Usually I Don't Sleep With My Hit And Run Victims

2006-08-29T08:34:00.000-07:00

In A REGULAR SWEETHEART, Dr. Charles Hartman is a gifted trauma surgeon with all the people skills of a wounded grizzly bear. Although he maintains that he cares nothing for people or for God, he begins to believe differently after Hope Evans, a softhearted graduate student, slams into his Mercedes--and his life--putting a completely different spin on his carefully-ordered world.

Charles has never believed in anything, but he learns to trust Hope's rock-steady friendship. When she falls for him and he is unable to return her love, the only honorable course is for him to walk away. But how can he turn his back on the only true friend he has ever known? Can he bear to give up Hope?

Incest Isn't Best?

2006-08-22T07:12:00.000-07:00

Dear Sir/Ma’am:

Greetings! My name is xxxxxxxxxxxx and I wanted to offer you the psychological horror screenplay of Inside the House. The story is based on a true story and pertains to Elijah Robinson, who is a seven year old left inside of his grandparent’s house for the weekend. He hates the old house, and for good reason. After being molested by his cousin, his family starts to die off one by one.

After several dreams and encounters with his family’s killer, Elijah barely escapes his grandparent’s house only to discover the events of that fateful weekend haunt his life. After being kicked out of his class, he comes to fight The Killer face to face in a battle that could almost bring a gruesome end to Elijah. Can he stay alive after everything that happened inside the house?

Vacation Time

2006-08-14T10:02:00.000-07:00

I am on vaca this week- enjoy this post from the original QLIL

I'd like to show you if I may an available action thriller feature spec:

An American Professor and his beautiful companion race across the world, one step ahead of assassins, in search of a Native American boy who is the key to an ancient legend involving the Old Testament's Tree of Life. (Indiana Jones meets the English Patient.)

Would you like to get a copy at the above address and if so, to whose attention would you like it addressed?

Cast Liv As An Elf, And Now We Are Talking

2006-08-07T13:18:00.000-07:00

Barbara Gantry is an ambassador for the Terran Empire. When an interdimensional portal brings the Empire into contact with a set of alternate worlds--Atlantia, Gaia and Path--diplomacy should be the order of the day. But without warning, the Terrans declare war on the Path. The six-armed Pathchildren are the most technologically advanced race of the new worlds, and attacking them may not be the brightest idea.

Stardancer is a Pathchild mechanic living at the interdimensional crossroads created by the Empire. When the war begins, she has no fear that the Path will be defeated. She does worry that the tactics they use to win may destroy everything they stand for, and that the Atlantians may have manipulated Terra into declaring war for exactly that reason.

Denise Cooper is an army grunt with a remarkable gift for persuasion. When her squad is taken prisoner by the Path, she uses her talent to convince one of their captors to help them escape. However, when her people later capture their liberator, she must decide between her duty to the Empire, and her gratitude to the man who risked everything to save her life.

Whirlwind Dancing follows these three women's stories separately as they try to survive the war, and then brings them together as they try to end it.

Her New Job, Haliburton CEO

2006-08-01T08:07:00.000-07:00

Aideen Cassidy, a timid pyrokinetic who has redefined the term “down on her luck”, is about to have the worst weekend experience of her life. On Friday, she applies for a job with PsychTeam a group of psychic investigators who assist the local authorities with difficult or otherwise unsolvable crimes. By Saturday, her life is in jeopardy as she discovers an evil presence, a living darkness, is hunting her from the shadows. By Sunday, her fiery powers have the city ablaze in hellfire and the team in an uproar, as the darkness creeps ever closer like Death’s icy veil. If she makes it to Monday, she can start her new job.

Special Treat

2006-07-27T08:17:00.000-07:00

BC Note: Since I was feeling that there would be too much time between Monday's query and next week's post, I decided to dig deep in the OG QLIL vault to pull out a spectacular entre in the genre- enjoy your weekend and the new post next week!

"Can even the Devil change? What would happen if Lucifer decided to try to give up on his whole Prince of Darkness routine, and want to go back to heaven? In my award winning script we find out. Lucifer and God strike a bargain. Lucifer can return to heaven, if for one day there is no sin on the Earth. Lucifer must now "tempt" people into doing good. Which isn't as easy as he thinks. There are all those lawyers and politicians to deal with. So to find out W.W.L.D.? What Would Lucifer Do?"