Pajiba Me Softly

Well here is a treat for all of you QLIL2 readers. Dustin on the great Pajiba.com website heard about this new movie Bonzai Shadowhands with Rainn Wilson and directed by Jason Reitman and started pontificating about how the the movie SHOULD actually go. I have edited his post and will let you guys have at it!

"Obviously, I have no idea what direction he and Reitman intend to take, but it occurred to me that the concept would work brilliantly if, and only if, Rainn Wilson’s ninja fighter were a modern-day version of Don Quixote, living in Des Moines. After years of social isolation and hundreds of hours of watching Satsuo Yamamoto films, a delusional Wilson would conclude that he, himself, was a once great martial arts warrior. He would procure his Sancho Panza (a video store clerk, played by Paul Giamatti) and seek out his Dulcinea (Zooey Deschanel), who would be an attendant at a local suburban arcade. Wilson, of course, would defeat other ninja warriors, who are actually holograms in a 3-D video game (the Windmills!)."

Oh man … if Reitman doesn’t do this, somebody give me a call — there really aren’t enough modern-day Quixotes in today’s multiplexes. Where are the Query Letters I Love Folks to proffer analysis? — Dustin Rowles

The Strip Club Owner Has Broken DaVinci's Code!

When top London barrister Henry Kendall finds himself in rural Texas defending a nun accused of murder, he needs all the help he can get. Unfortunately, his client refuses to talk to him and his only assistant is a smart-talking, ex-reporter from Manhattan, a young woman who has no idea how to make a decent cup of tea and delights in pricking Henry’s old-fashioned sensibilities. But with just two weeks until their client goes on trial for her life, Henry and Natalie must overcome their mutual mistrust and work together to solve the mystery of St. Mary’s Convent. Detectives in this strange land, the barrister and his protégée soon find themselves in a closeted world that is suspicious of outsiders, and where nothing is quite what it seems. The convent gardener, the chimney sweep, and the manager of a local strip club all come under the microscope as the convent’s many secrets are revealed. But the most shocking secret of all has quite literally lain buried within the convent’s walls for a hundred years, and its revelation leads Henry to a courtroom confrontation with the real killer.

Funny I Thought Diggers Usually Outrun Nobbins

The last thing college junior Amy Haskel expects is to be tapped into Rose & Grave, her Ivy League school’s most prestigious secret society. As far as she can tell, she’s lacking a potential initiate’s two basic requirements: 1) a Y chromosome and 2) the ambition to become the leaderof the free world. Sure, the sassy, independent Amy is an honor student and the editor of the literary magazine, but everyone knows that“Diggers” (as society members are called) only want future industrial kingpins or shadowy government types of the male variety. Not women –not even smart ones.

Amy soon learns that much of Rose & Grave’s rep is a combo of Hollywood hocus-pocus and carefully cultivated rumors. After an initiation ceremony that is one part Harry Potter and two parts amusement park thrill-ride, Amy begins to bond with her new brethren, who come from all walks of life, and discovers that the society’s imposing tomb is no more intimidating than your standard frat house. The Diggers are elite, sure, but not in the blue-blood way she always thought.

But she also learns that some of the more nefarious rumors about Rose & Grave are true. The alumni members exert an enormous influence, and they aren’t afraid to wield it. The society’s prominent “patriarchs” are none too happy that this year’s seniors have gone behind their backs to tap women for the very first time. They threaten to close the tomb and sabotage the future of both the graduates and the “illegal taps.” When Amy’s confirmed summer internship evaporates after speaking out against the patriarchs’ sexism, she begins to fear that they have the power to do just that. Enraged, the new female taps organize against the patriarchs to prove that women, especially Digger women, are a force to be reckoned with. It’s a move that may save their society, but also earns them some very powerful enemies.

Amy has other worries as well. Her best friend (who has been vying for a society tap since the day she first stepped on campus) refuses to share even one detail about her own secret society experiences, though the outlandish hints she drops make the elaborate Rose & Grave rituals look about as hard as a Rocks for Jocks exam. The editor of the campus newspaper seems to have an ax to grind against both Amy and her society “big brother,” and is willing to blackmail them to get an expose on Rose & Grave (Amy knew she shouldn’t have spent the night at his place!). Of course, it doesn’t help that Amy’s “barbarian” (non-society) friend-with-benefits won’t let the Boyfriend Issue go. And then there’s the little matter of final exams.