Hitler = Big Laughs

BC Note: In honor of Memorial day I give you one of the better query letters on QLIL. Enjoy!

"Adolf Hitler alive? A wannabe 'dream team' of lawyers eagerly interviews their hoped for ticket to fame, an old man who may--or may not--be the hated Nazi leader. Surprises galore in this edgy dark comedy of shifting identities.'Funny and somehow touching...you write with a sure comedic hand.''I love it. It was so wacky I roared!'"

HA HA HA HA

During the 2002 Salt Lake City Winter Olympics, the family of perky Mormon Sariah Smith hosts the equally vivacious Swedish athlete Garth Hunfridssonssonsson, the “Pride of Páarp.” A romance blooms between Sariah and Garth, fueled by the excitement of the Games and their shared love of reindeer sweaters. Sadly, Garth loses his memory in a freak curling accident. He forgets both his love for Sariah and his talent for the sport. Garth returns home to pursue his brand-new dream of leading the Swedish beach volleyball team.

Unable to get the Scandinavian scamp out of her mind, Sariah travels to Rio de Janeiro to watch Garth compete in the World Beach Volleyball Championship. A life in curling has left him ill-prepared for long hours in the sun, and he lands in the hospital with heatstroke.

Luckily, Sariah is fluent in Portuguese due to her mission work in Mozambique, and she translates for Garth in time to avoid an accidental prostatectomy. Though Garth’s amnesia and failure on the volleyball court have turned him into a sullen, arrogant cad, in his radiant blue eyes Sariah sees a spark of the innocent imp she once knew.

When Garth recovers, he and Sariah hit the trendiest Rio dance clubs, where he spurns her for a bevy of Brazilian beauties. Hurt, she indulges in her first Coca-Cola, and the caffeine surge dissolves her inhibitions. Her super-freak dance moves--combined with her knee-length skirt and long-sleeved polo shirt--make her the hottest new thing in Rio. Even as she basks in the attention, Sariah pines for the simple joys she and Garth once shared—root beer floats, long walks in the snow, and indoor turtle racing.

Right-wing Marxist guerillas (trust me on this) kidnap Sariah to raise ransom money for their Amazonian free-market commune. Rather than fear for her life, she welcomes the opportunity to minister to the poor and convert the unenlightened.

Will Garth remember himself in time to save Sariah--armed with only a small horsehair broom--before she falls for her suave yet sensitive captor Eduardo, in a tragic and ironic case of Stockholm Syndrome? Or will their love remain forever…FROZEN IN TIME?

It Was Awesome Till The Sister Part

BC Note: J, as promised- here is a post on Victoria Day- Happy VD day Canukers!

I’m a serious bitch with a jaded past. Do I count sheep before I go to sleep? Hell no, I count lovers. A few days ago had an amnesia moment and forgot one man’s name, but could still see his face and hear his voice. Bingo, his name’s Dennis. Now there’s just one man on my mind who writes me toe curling e-mail I won’t share with anybody but my sister.

Need To Find Her? Just Check Girls Gone Wild 21

BC Note: I would like to thank Michael for this Query

In the comedy PEARL NECKLACE, Justin and his father, Luke, are hired to steal a pearl necklace during Mardi Gras, but Luke had to give the necklace to a reveler to slip away from the police. The mob boss who hired them is not amused and now Justin has forty eight hours to find the necklace or his father will be history. The only clue he has is that the girl has a very distinctive fireball tattoo on her breast. Justin searches far and wide, but will he realize in time that the girl is much closer than he thinks?

Use Tweezer For Splinters, Its Easier

The only time Stan Garland ever admired his father was when the old man starved himself to death. Only Stan believed his father would actually do it, and only Stan cared enough to find out why. As Stan plunges forward on his drunken, amphetamine-fueled search for an answer, his father Jack lies on his deathbed, hoping for a few answers of his own. In the final, shattering revelation, we discover the trauma that splintered young Jack’s soul. After Jack witnesses his father’s horrible death from blood poisoning, he spends the rest of his life vainly struggling to answer his father’s delirious deathbed question, a question screamed into Jack’s tear-stained face: Who are you???

Pandas Have More Hit Points Then Bugbears

What's really going on

Siris Tam, a necromancer, is not exactly what you would call a nice man, and Goldie, his modified and augmented slaymate is even worse. On the surface a delightful little girl she conceals an undead heart roiling with malice and a loathing for the living. Far more intelligent than most of her kind she fled from Tam in hopes of striking out on her own, eventually finding a home with a trio of advanced bugbears.

Tam has a way of regaining control over Goldie, but he wants to send some dupes in first to make sure she uses up her more dangerous spell-like abilities. Unfortunately for Tam, Goldie is expecting such a trick -although it did work the last time she escaped- and she plans to turn the tables on him by playing the role of a precocious child when the rescuers arrive. Albeit a child with strange magical abilities, who while never explicitly stated, likely killed her parents by accident, and suffers from the trauma even now.

Right- There Are Women In Lingerie And You Are Interested In Knots

BC Note: I would like to thank Matt for this. And, BTW that Canadian part sounds very familiar to something posted on QLIL but I don't have the inclination to search for it, so sorry if its a re-post!

SPANISH LACE: - A serial killer of young women is loose in San Francisco. He dresses his victims in lace lingerie and hangs them from chandeliers. The $100,000 reward posted draws a crowd of amateur sleuths. But a most unlikely pair of mis-matched characters focus in on the exotic knots he uses to identify and trap their man.

My agent: xxxxxx Inc - www.xxxxxxx.com - representation on xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx with xxxxxxxxxx; and on xxxxxxxxxx, a family film Disney is "taking a second look at," I'm told. (Incidentally, I'm a Canadian; worth some production points... and oops! have had to reconstruct my database after the crash of my hard-drive, so I'm flying blind. If you don't accept unsolicited queries, let me know and I'll drop you from the list.)

Does He Mean A Microwave?

How does a boy learn to become a man? Young Prince Ari struggles to understand the nightmare of seeing Black Wolf kill his father, King Idan. So why does he pursue Black Wolf through the Ancient City and into Narsus, the land of his country’s enemies? Each lesson Ari learns, about life and death, fear and forgiveness, wisdom and treachery, brings him closer to the man he will become.

This tale of lords and princes, monstrous wolf-like creatures and mysterious technology offers surprises, thrills and warmth.