Please Melt, Please?

BC Note: In case anyone is still checking this blog- enjoy!

Logline/Synopsis:

Ice Cube Boy is the story of an ice cube that every time he feels happy it make him melt a little bit more

The Vamps Are Tramps

BC Note: In case anyone is checking this website anymore here is a little reward!

Summary:

The Patient

She woke up in a hospital. She didn’t know her name. She didn’t know who she was or where she came from. All she knew that she was hungry. And kind of fat. And she craved something liquid and salty…

The Doctor

Dr. Trevor Hapgood fell in love with the beautiful raven-haired amnesia patient as soon as he saw her. As he worked with her to restore her memory, he became increasingly aware that she was returning his looks of passion, and soon they were locked in a feverish embrace. All was bliss until she bit him. Because she was carrying…

The Vampire’s Secret Baby

They were two unlikely lovers, brought together by crazy circumstance. What would happen when the patient regained her memory? Would she totally succumb to the dark forces growing inside of her? When the vampire who impregnated her infiltrated the hospital, a fatal showdown took place, and just as the patient remembered her name--- Alicia Wentworth-Biggs--- and her true identity, she would be forced to choose between the evil (but sexy) creature of the night who fathered her fetus and the charming, innocent doctor who loved her. Who would she choose? And what about her baby? Would it become a monster? Would she have to give the vampire partial custody? In the end, only Alicia could decide, with a little help from Trevor…

Thanks For All The Pandas

Well folks- I think I am going to stop the site for a little while. It may start up again soon but in case it doesn't, I wanted to thank everyone for coming over from QLIL to QLIL2 for the last few months. In celebration of the original QLIL as well as St. Paddy's Day, I have compiled my favorite quotes from y'all over the last 3 months. Take care!

"Your husband's somewhere inside, In my pocket,Look here, it's your husband's eyes,They're watching you."

I'm just glad that I could finally add the expression "this query sucks more than a fellating vampire" to my lexicon.

Second of all, I'd love to know who the thinking things lost the war against. Something unthinking, obviously: I'm guessing maybe a couple of rocks, or maybe a bowl of Wheat Chex.

So I guess hanging out in a trinket box is a good way to pick up chicks? Has match.com heard about this? Or maybe that's what adultfriendinatrinketboxfinder.com is all about.

All the things I miss about Disney's Russian Theme Park: Ballet, choreography, animation, street combat, animated street combat, gang violence, sex, choreographed sex, and above all, rape.Call me, Goofy.

I am so glad he told us Lantz' fiancée is named Amy. Now I can sleep at night. It's too bad she dies.

I think Madonna thinks she could play the fourteen year-old who is on a spiritual journey through the sands of Dagger Lake. Tori Spelling could play the boy who unwittingly aids in the wounding of her soul.

Possible next moves:1. wander the beach pretending to be amnesiacs til found by helpful eople with rare diseases2. join the scientists at tent city and wait for the aliens3. ask the pandas for help

After all, when your fan base is comprised of screaming 13 and 14-year-old girls, it’s the moms who take pleasure in bedding you.Sincerely yours,A. Kutcher

I've lost my memory for the night a couple of times. The beach is as good a place as any. If you ask Captain Morgan nicely enough, he WILL take you away.
So he doesn't have chest hair but had a girlfriend at one time? Sounds like he's doing better than most 30 year old men in LA.

I love how all those top scientists and engineers and God knows who else are all willing to live in a "tent city" waiting for lift off. I can just see Stephen Hawkings rolling his weelchair through the mud.

Typical "Plan 9 From Outer Space" aliens. ALIEN #1: We've concocted a devious plan to poach the Earth's greatest minds!ALIEN #2: What does the success of this plan hinge on?ALIEN #1: Alerting the entire world to our existence.ALIEN #2: Great! Let's get two romantically irresponsible journalists to do it.ALIEN #1: Er...ALIEN #2: It's perfect! We'll just leave some slightly flattened grass in Scotland.ALIEN #1: Uh, we DO have spaceships, you know.

her married life has been founded on a lie. Is this any different from any other married life?

Ya fakes your own death, ya takes your chances. That's all I'm sayin'.

The narrator is none other than Constantin Valios and he's telling the story to his children. He gives them the moral of the story, which is to always cover your tracks and kill the witnesses. The end.

"Thanks to this pen we met us 14 years ago." (On the bedroom set of my latest film, where my husband played the title character: The Polish Sausage.)

We now have a Christmas hero who gives toys to the children, peels off 20-dollar bills and gives them to the poor black mothers of Harlem to pay their rent. The tears will roll.

I once had a wealthy matriarch take a keen interest in me while I was telling secrets during a middle-school slumber party.It led to some uncomfortable crackling.And what are the odds that Lizzy had a boyfriend named Clip and she's a hairdresser.

Journies Allison sets out on = 2Journies Allison is succesful at = 0Morman Church: 2 Allison: 0

That's a lot of gay going on in that query there. And that comment is coming from a gay man, mind you.

I'd actually read this script. Am I insane?

When I think of monkeys, I think of thrown feces. When I read this query, I think of the same thing...how very meta. It's like Charlie Kaufman, but stupid.

Is the romance with the monkey and the divorcee? Can the romance be both playful and somber? Will they all fit into a very large envelope?

This Cagney and Lacey episode sounds like one of those lesbian films (without vampires or tapioca) that only real lesbians would watch.

I prefer the less understood realm of Pandanormal abilities. An army of genetically engineered, bloodthirsty pandas? You bet, we have the technology. Watch your ass Osama.

Will it create "pandamonium?" I'm sorry. I tried to resist it but it broke through.

Pandas-the new Knights Templar! If Brown had used them, he really would have sold some books.

I'm so glad all our hopes rest in the fuzzy hug of visionary bamboo munching sketchy breeders whose only real enemy in the world is man but yet teach our reluctant hero to trust them. If there is no course of action that ensures survival...oh wait...there's a slender thread of hope wending....Love live hyperbole.

And of course, this week, PBS is showing a wonderful new production of "Bleak Panda," which is one of Dickens' more complex and dark-themed panda treatises.

And as much as I loved "Bleak Panda", it could never compare to his original draft of "Hsing-hsing Nickleby".

Working Title"Eats, Shoots and Leaves"

Does the Spirit Animal Army Provide Dental?

LOG LINE:A prison guard ghost returns to oust a flamboyant warden and his dimwitted gang.

SYNOPSES:A dark comedy which operates on several important levels. This unique screenplay takes on America scandalous prison culture exposing, with outrageous satirical humor, a hidden society which is rife with corruption and the abuse of power.

We are introduced to BEAR, a mystical Native American Shapeshifter and his Spirit Animal Army. With help from Great Stone Mother, Bear and his loyal followers set out to reclaim a sacred Paiute burial ground where an imposing prison now stands.

Enter JAMES "CUFFS" CALLAHAN, the story s pivotal character. Cuffs is a former prison Corrections Officer who returns from the dead with his K-9 companion IKE to the high desert of southern Nevada to take on and expose a corrupt warden and his flunky cohorts.

We meet Cuffs when he is alive, working as a conscientious and caring Corrections Officer at the prison. When Cuffs discovers that the prisoners are being fed food labeled "Unfit for Human Consumption" He confronts the arrogant Warden Robert Shivetz. Outraged by Cuffs' insolent behavior, Shivetz fires him.

Depressed and drowning in alcohol, Cuffs takes his own life with a gun. However, Bear captures Cuffs spirit and decides to shapeshift into a psychiatrist. He helps Cuffs open up, tell the truth, and take responsibility for his senseless act.

Cuffs returns to the prison as a ghost bent on revenge. Bear is also at the prison, posing as a convict. Together, Cuffs and Bear join forces from the spirit and ghost worlds to standup for humanity against the misuse of power behind prison walls.

For example, Bear is able at will to shapeshift and summon his faithful Spirit Animal Army to aid him and Cuffs inside the prison.As the story unfolds, we meet a number of fascinating characters including Senator Clancy, the voice of reason; Sgt. Otis Newcomb, a dimwitted brute, the vivacious Lt. Sandy Adams, and Trooper Bob, among others.

Cuffs has a crush on Sandy. She becomes attracted to him as well, but unfortunately, it's not meant to be. Cuffs, a ghost, and Sandy human. Never the twain shall meet. The story ends on a positive, upbeat note. Bear and his Spirit Animal Army are able to restore respect and dignity to their Paiute sacred burial ground. Clancy advances to become Vice President of The United States and later, by a twist of fate, assumes the Presidency. Cuffs join President Clancy as his aide-de-camp with Bear and his loyal Spirit Animal Army in tow. Cuffs emerges as a scathing dark comedy which not only exposes the corrupt conduct of authority figures but also challenges our imagination, leaving hope in spirit and heart for a better day."

Hmmm, Not Quite Sure A Vampire Giving A BJ Is The Way To Go

Lulabelle Andrinosolous is busty brunette with a talent for blowjobs and making chocolate cake. Her boyfriend Frank Smith is fast with his fingers, and rakes in the cash at the local casino.

When Lulabelle trips over Frank’s bowling ball, she hits her head on a convenient marble table - forgetting the combination to the safe where Frank’s winnings are. Not only that but Lulabelle has forgotten she’s a vampire, and runs into trouble when she bites the UPS man.

Frank must get Lulabelle to remember the combination to the safe in the next forty-eight hours so he can use the cash to pay off a gambling debt, or the local mob boss will cut off his fast fingers and feed them to the fishes. This is an offer he cannot refuse.

Things are complicated further when Lulabelle’s secret love child, Bob, arrives to confront his mother about his abandonment – only to find that she has no idea she even had a secret love child. Bob is furious and curses his mother to never regain her memory.

Poor old Frank must race against the ticking clock to break the curse, remind Lulabelle who she is, which involves a lot of blow jobs so she remembers how good she is, figure out the combination of the safe, pay off the mob boss, and remember to call his mother on her birthday.

The theme is obviously a very powerful picture of how money saves lives, and forgetfulness will remind you of who you really are.

A Little From Column A, A Little From Column B

What if the man claiming to be your husband was an imposter?

Martin Gere was chosen to be on the first shuttle to land on an alien planet, but when he returned two years later he was... different. Kathy Gere begins to suspect that this man who shares her bed, her life, and takes the kids to soccer practice every weekend isn't the hero-astronaut she married. Is he an alien in disguise? A spy from another world? Or a refugee hoping to begin a new life on Earth... pretending to be her husband?

Simply Put: More Pandas!

It’s been fifty years since the Gi’han Jihad nearly swept the galaxy into chaotic darkness, and with it the near extinction of all things artificial, that is, all thinking things. The Art Wars, as they came to be known, resulted in an even tighter galactic Core, an Empire of a thousand score planets and systems, and a moratorium on the creation of free-will artificials. In the ensuing decades, while solidifying his cherished Core worlds, the Emperor sent forth his Proctors, armed with Imperial fleets, to colonize the outer reaches of the galaxy far beyond his realm. A burgeoning presence was being felt in even the most remote regions.

But uncertainty and chaos still rule the long tapering spiral arm of the galaxy known as Carinaena's Shell. It is here that a maelstrom is beginning, a clash of forces between a ruthlessly ambitious Vice Proctor, and one of the most powerful economic cartels in the Rim, the Nralda Keiretsu. What they seek is more than power, it is the future itself.

Rumors of creatures that can see across the tapestry of time, like raindrops rippling across the surface of a pond, have circulated Carinaena’s Shell for decades. Stories are told of a genetically engineered species, vastly intelligent, thrust a million years ahead of their evolutionary arc, and melded with existing sartographic technology–the refined science of probabilities. Some believe that the vast Nralda Keiretsu with its economic and military ties in a thousand different systems have secretly funded such a project. Indeed, Vice Proctor Helius Barreth, busy carving out an Imperial presence in the Shell has dedicated his finest fleet to hunting down the rogue creatures.
To most it is no more than a myth, but men are laying down their lives in pursuit of this myth. The ability to foretell history would be the ultimate weapon in a corner of the universe where technology has bent itself backward. And one man is about to be thrust into a struggle unlike any he has ever experienced.

Garraund Farseth has lost himself in the lawless wilds of the Shell, burying the memory of the woman he once loved and lost, the power, prestige and honor he once commanded. Struggling to survive as a freelance shestar, he and his crew of repatriated artificials ferry cargo in the vast reaches of this frontier. The abrupt and calculated entrance of Helen Tchelakov, secret agent of the Nralda Keiretsu, and her curious mission to ferry a small band of ‘exotic bios’ will thrust him unknowingly back into the struggle to control the fates of planets, systems and, as he slowly begins to realize, something even more important. Confronted with hope and innocence, love and betrayal, and chased to the ends of the stars by the giant winged-beetles of Galzeki, merciless servants of the Nralda Keiretsu, and the combined military forces at the command of the ruthless Vice Proctor, Garraund is challenged to rediscover the honor he thought was lost, the purpose that was all but forgotten.

The embodiment of change is a tribe of giant pandas, creatures he first believes to be no more than mute, unthinking beasts, an unruly and exasperating cargo. The process of escaping the Empire and the Keiretsu becomes a voyage of discovery, however. The pandas prove to be far more interesting; not only playful, mischievous and sentient, but vastly intelligent and with the unique and unprecedented ability to dream the future. They hold the key to not only Garraund’s future, but to his past as well. They will provide a link to a love which might supplant all that he had ever lost in his days in the Guard, and lead him to discover the true meaning of ‘humanity.’

It will not be an easy journey however. The Empire he once served now opposes him. A Master Assassin known as the Emperor’s Butcher is closer than he can imagine. The Captain of the Gokazoku Kaigi, a faction of the elite service he once proudly led now hunts him down. And the woman who is the key to it all must betray him to close the circle of revenge begun when she was but a small child.

A Pixie Is My Mother?

Where do Elves, Dwarves, Sprites and Pixies come from? Will the answer make you question Man’s origins and fundamental beliefs? […] Henry James just wants to finish College and hear Gina say she loves him too. But he’s about to get answers to questions he never asked and doesn’t want to learn, while finding out that heroes didn’t want to be either and the fantasy novels got it wrong.

Rough Life For Tristan Ar Malik

Having spurned the love of a sorceress, alien warrior Tristan ar Malik has been cursed to live inside a trinket box. He is a slave to women’s desires, allowed to emerge only when his female master has need of his services. His one hope for freedom is to find true love. Though the handsome rogue has welcomed many women in his bed, he has never given his heart.

Determined, intelligent and shy Julia Anderson of modern day Dallas would rather go through a crate of dusty antiques than go on a date. When she buys an odd-looking jewelry box, she never expects a tall, dark and sinfully delicious love slave to appear, claiming he will grant her body untold sensual delights. She decides to use his services, just not the way he intends, and asks him to tutor her in the art of dating.

Ballet, Rape, Its Got It All!

Dear [XXXXX]:

Must Russian characters always be the villains?

The cold war is over and their country is struggling to survive - isn't it time for a more sympathetic look at someone from there? How about an Olympian prize fighter, a proud Russian; a simple man who's driven by a love for his wife, a Russian ballerina, and their lovely daughter?

A man whose only fault is a mean temper and a bad habit of settling problems with his hands. A man who loses his fighting edge, and later, his unfaithful wife; a man who starts drinking, who ultimately loses residency in Russia, and reluctantly finds himself alone in America with his daughter, struggling to adjust.

"White Russian" is a 99 page properly formatted screenplay that features professional ballet choreography, animation, street combat, gang violence, sex, and rape. It touches on Russian humiliation in America, Russian/Black integration in inner Chicago, and premonitions of Asian world superiority. It has been critically received by four other screenwriters and must be read.

For my part; I am an author (Visit: http://[XXXX]). My reading includes Tolstoy, Chekov, and Dostoyevsky and I have traveled extensively on four continents, living in Australia and Singapore for 3 years. I loved writing this screenplay and am presently at work on an action/comedy involving two old timers from a small midwest town who come into a $70 million, illegal inheritance.

I have attached the first few pages of "White Russian," a word document, for your consideration, and would be delighted to mail you a copy.

Rag On The Oscars

Taking J's suggestion from the previous post- I am opening up this post for all of your comments on last night's Oscar-fest (now with more George Clooney!).

When Crash won, I was wondering if Bob Yari was going to storm the stage and fight Cathy Schulman to the death over the Oscar.

Could Dolly Parton's face hold any more plastic?

Could that Three 6 singer sing any more flatly?

What was up with cutting up all the western's a la Brokeback To The Future? Gregory Peck must be rolling in his grave (as one colleague put to me). Can we say the parodies of Brokeback are officially dead? BTW- TBS cut up "Shanghi Knights" in a gay light and their promos now say that it's the true western- got to love Hollywood, so original!

Discuss!

And Now For Something Completely Different

Dear XXXXXX:

I am in something of a quandary, because I am aware that it is best to pitch only one script in a query, but I have no idea which genre would fit in best with your development slate or would appeal to your sensibilities.

Would it be best to go with the high-concept romantic comedy with an action subplot? The action comedy / road movie? Or the more character driven "Sex & the City" type comedy?

I have decided to go with the romantic comedy because I feel it is the most commercial and would appeal to the broadest audience. It is also the project that would require the highest budget - but as you are positioning yourself as a major player, I assume you are not one of those producers who is looking to produce an entire feature for less money than a Guild signatory would pay for the script.

Please be advised that my talent as a screenwriter and storyteller is in no way shape or form reflected in my logline, because to be perfectly honest - I suck at them.That said, I will make a valiant effort to pique your interest - or at the very least, not turn you off entirely.

Funny, I Think Of A Simple Task As Opening A Jar Of Peanut Butter

Chicago homicide detective Lantz Ponder survived his best friend’s murder and the killer’s fatal shooting. Now he believes he can relax and marry the love of his life.

He’s wrong on both accounts.

While Lantz recovers from a gunshot wound, he’s assigned a simple task: find a missing person, the daughter of a powerful U.S. senator. Heat intensifies when she turns up murdered. Lantz, a gifted investigator, but undisciplined in bureaucratic politics, has to learn to watch his mouth as well as his back. When he gets too close, the killer abducts his fiancée, Amy, forcing Lantz to face the greatest challenge of his life, find the killer before she dies.

The Skankist 14 Year Old Ever!

How hard are the lessons we learn before leaving this world?

Jo Kelly finds out. But, a near-fatal head injury and a spiritual journey to the other side and back was what it took.

Jo is angry and confused as she enters adolescence. Her parents have divorced, her older sister has run away and disappeared, and she doesn’t care that she’s promiscuous and in the grasp of drugs and alcohol. Although an abusive first marriage is short-lived, she replaces the bruising of her flesh with the wounding of her own soul by betraying the love and trust of her second husband.

Will Jo destroy the only thing that makes sense anymore – her marriage and family?

It's All About The 40 Year Olds

Being a teen idol in the breezy, carefree, late 1970’s means jetsetting, money and bevies of pretty girls. Or rather beautiful, insatiable women. After all, when your fan base is comprised of screaming 13 and 14-year-old girls, it’s the moms who take pleasure in bedding you.

Just ask a shaggy haired blonde heartthrob named Brad Leland. Wise beyond his years, he understands the absurdity of his life--so much so that after several years of his extreme, isolated existence, he wants out. It's been fun, but he’s done pleasing promoters and lusty housewives.

Concocting a secret plan with his manager, Leland fakes his own death in a small plane crash, and the scheme appears to work. Millions mourn Leland. His Svengali/manager retires comfortably. And Brad Leland retires to a simple, rugged, anonymous new life.

Fast forward to 2006. Leland’s manager passes away, leaving clues that refer to the faked death. A reality TV producer gets an idea: “The Million Dollar Hunt For Former Teen Idol Brad Leland.”

A country becomes obsessed. Oprah, Geraldo, FOX News, etc. cannot get enough. Contestants are chosen and the hunt to produce a modern photo of Leland is on.

Leland, oblivious to the situation, is one day hiking and meets a pretty, 40-something divorced mom. She worshipped Leland as a teen, and when she notices a small, distinctive birthmark—something only an ardent fan would recall--she realizes she’s stumbled upon the onetime love of her life. She alerts Brad to the bounty that’s placed on him, and a bond is forged as Leland decides what his next moves will be.